Scared Silly!!!!

I admit it: I am scared silly!!! As I near the end of my journey here at Northern Caribbean University, I find myself questioning my competence. I find myself wondering if I have been equipped with the knowlegde base necessary to go out and facilitate change. I wonder if I have done a good enough job of honing my skills, or if in truth, I had any skill to begin with. I fear that my interactions with my clients will be bland, dull and inefective. I fear that I will not be able to comtribute to the knowledge base of my profession and in turn, will give Social Workers a bad name.

I must admit that sometimes I envy all the students and young people I see being highlighted who are consistently charting new paths and making a name for themselves in this world. I fear that the knowledge I have gained will never measure up to the international standards that have been laid out. I am afraid that I won't know the right words to say to the clients I have vowed to serve; I fear that my words, instead of holding the power for good will be a dangerous fire that will burn and destroy what little hope my clients had of damaging.]

I AM SCARED......but somehow I feel that it is far worse to hide my light in a bushel, to cower in a corner than it is to shine and reveal the light and optimism I have inside. I AM SCARED......but I believe that it behooves me to make sure that my parents money have not been spent in vain.
 I AM SCARED...but I owe it to myself, after five years of toil, labour and sweat to believe in myself and my competence. I value religion and as a christian I must believe that God is with me, guiding my every step, thought and speech. I must believe in the intrinsic worth of everyone I come in contact with and I must give them the benefit of the doubt.

I AM SCARED...BUT I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP NONETHELESS!!

Self: Exposed

                                         Things I'm Learning of Myself Everyday

*I really love to sing (I am, able to convey my emotions and with practice, God will continue to use me to bless and minister to otherz).

* I am humorous and quick witted (EVEN IF OTHER PERSONS DON'T GET IT...tsk).

* I am compassionate and caring (Slowly God is placing His love in my heart and replacing my selfishness)

* I am intelligent; I have the ability to clearly express my thoughts; I am able to write well and do careful research. (Thanks be to God)

* I can act well and recite poetry (I'm still waiting for that ministry to come alive :-Dramamtists 4 Christ is a beautiful start).

* I love to read!!! Definitely, I love inspirational books, books that make me think, learn and point me to God (NO MORE SEXUALLY EXPLICIT BOOKS FOR ME...SATAN U LOSE..HA HA!!)

*I am a nice dresser with unique and exquisite taste (I do not have to be in what everybody's in to look nice; I must admit that I absolutely adore jewelry- it's a pity, I can't wear them....no stumbling block roun' here).

* I love to make a statement. In other word I like to be seen. (God has been showing me of late that it isn't always such a good thing; sometimes it is better to be in the background. God is calming the extrovert in me- balance is becoming more clear). 

* I'm honest about the way I feel. (I need to work at speaking my feelings in love though for AI tend to be a bit harsh sometimes)

I pray and believe through Faith that God will continue to direct my feet and guide my life as I seek to be a jar of clay that he can show his surpassing power and light through me.

Semester Blues: God's Restoring Happiness

Lamentation 3: 22, 23. NIV.
"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,  They are new every morning;  great is your faithfulness.  "

I had my last exam today.I must admit that I was immensely apprehensive during the entire semester.I worried about money, friends, my family; I struggled with my self esteem-wondering if I was capable enough and I wondered if I would ever make the mark on the world as God had intended. Amidst all this,I can honestly and safely say that God has proved faithful.

I have seen God's hands in my life and it amazes me even now as I look back. I see him in the resiliency of my brother and my sister as they dealt with some family problems. I saw it in the renewed vim, vigor and purpose that God has sparked in me. I saw it in the financial provisions sometimes right at the last minute. I saw God working in the life of my friends and making Himself more visible; proving again and again how much He loves them.

God's faithfulness is indeed incomprehensible. I realize that His grace is indeed a gift and not a loan that I have to repay. I celebrate His death and resurrection because what that means for me is that there is hope and I can come boldly before God, addressing Him as Father and Friend. I relaize that every day is just one stepfurther down the path that He has ordained forme even before my parents even thought of having a child.     

I purpose to living a life that is above mediocrity,a life that makes my family,myself and God proud. Will you join me?