Summer Sessions: Knowledge is Power!!!

This was my first summer session and it official comes to an end tomorrow at 2:30 pm. What can I say that I have walked away with after seven weeks of brain-busting activity?
1. I appreciate the value of putting theory into practice.
2. I value teamwork; I appreciate the vast knowledge, creativity and skills that my peers bring with them as we seek to accomplish our tasks.
3. I value the potential for learning; retaining and application of knowledge that God has placed within me.
4. I understand the duty I have to help those around me more so, the duty I have to my colleagues to be there for them and to aid them in anyway possible as long as it doesn't impede and hinder my own progression s a person.
5. I appreciate and value how much God has been guiding my mind and my actions. I realize also just how much He looks out for me on a daily basis. He understands my struggles, forgives my sins and then He hurls them into the deepest part of the sea. Unlike the devil, and those around me, He does not bring it up and wipe it in my face.
6. I love ,the early morning times with Him (which I only got a chance to do this week). As a result, I am seriously contemplating moving out. I worry though about the response my roommate will give and how they will be affected. I'm still waiting for God to give me an official answer.
7. I love NCIS, White Collar, Suits and Necessary Roughness!!! USA rocks!!
8. I want a job next semester at the library so I can buy my textbooks. This summer session really got me thinking how useful they are. I also realized that every opportunity and situation I experience presents an opening to learn.
9. This summer session, I really got in tune with some really wonderful blogs; from wonderful insightful social workers to grumpy doctors, I enjoy reading them all.
10. I love my family and it hurts that I ma not able to help them financially the way I would want. this summer, I have determined to do my best, so that I will be a valuable asset to my company and as a result I will be indispensable ( and the money will come flowing my way).

Breaking Free: Fear Relinquished

        I've decided that it's time to break out of this mold of fear. I am taking God at his word when He said that He has not given me a spirit of fear. I am intelligent and I have an ability to convey deep meaning  in my words and expressions. I am able to get good grades and I am able to apply them and make them relevant to the time in which I live. I realize that I am a unique individual created by God and I want other people to realize just how valuable and special God made them as well. I realize the importance of keeping our minds filled with positive, fulfilling thoughts. When we allow our minds to become contaminated by self-defeating thoughts (a trademark of the enemy), our entire lives are affected and we become underachievers and we divert from the path that God had set us on.
        I love the fact that there are so many people in my life who value the contributions  I have made thus far; they believe in my ability to make a change and to be anything that I set out to. Now it is up to me to believe in myself because no one can truly do that for me. I am taking charge of my education, of my christian journey and my social life. I appreciate myself and although I still struggle with my self concept, I am claiming today Galatians 6:4 (NIV) which says, "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else"An author explained this verse squite nicely. She says, that comparing ourselves with each other is such a dangerous thing. When we compare and we find ourselves to be superior, we become haughty, proud and we are the meanest, unchristlike person; on the other hand, when we compare and we find ourselves wnating, we reduce ourselves and are filled with doubts about our worht.

With this is mind, I hope that others will join me by breaking this tradition of fear and stepping into our God-ordained destinies.

Music

I'm here listening to some soothing music. Music just gets my body moving and my blood rushing. I am an avid listener and I can't help but appreciate the talent that God has placed within certain individuals. I'm listening to Jill Scott, Avril Lavinge, Erykah Badu and India Arie at the moment. I wish I could sing as beautifully as they do but for now I am just content to listen, smile, nod and let the rhythm envelope me

Optimism!!

I'm quite optimistic. I said no to my addiction lastnite. 'm sure that the fight is not over but it felt quite empowering to say NO out loud. I figured that if I am a Social worker in training and I am not able to use effectively the techniques and theories I have learned over the four years, I will be just as ineffective in getting my clients to use them. I'm not going to write it off as my own doing, I knwo fro sure thta God had a hand in my resistance. I understnad what Paul means when he syas that we need to caputre all our thoughts and we need to ensure that we do not conform to the oractices of the world.
My optimism also centers around the fact that God has given me a mind that understands concepts easily. I realize more and more just how much of a "broad" knowledge base social workers really need to have and God has been helping me to remember and apply what I have learned. I confess that I am a long way off and there are certain bad habits that I still need to get rid of but I am determined to be the best person I can be so I can make my family, myself and GOD proud!!

Self-doubt

     (This was written in my journal sometime in April)
     I realized today that to have friends, I have to go out of my way to be friendly. So I have resolved to talk more, to be nicer, to reach out to people and to just allow God to speak to them throguh me. My some friends of mine are all struggling to pay their school fees abd I feel so angry and hurt knowingt hat I am unable to help them. What amazes me though is how stromng they are, they laugh and joke (even though they are hurting inside). I wish I had the money to give them.
   When I woke this morning, I never even prayed or read my bible, not even a devotional. That's the danger of having too many persons around (CONSTANT DISTRACTION). I still have to resolve to spend time getting to know God or my living just makes no sense. I really want to love, care fro and help those around me but I sometimes feel so inadequate. I pray and ask God to use me but I don't see myself being used by anyone. My knowledge base just seems so empty. I don't have a wide vocabulary, my ability to explain concepts is almost non existent. Suffice t say, I have an exam to study fro and despite all my self-doubt, i feel I'll do pretty well.

An Addict's Lament

How the HELL did I get here?
How the HELL did I allow myself to be captive;
To be a slave to my own passions?
Caught up in five minutes of momentary pleasure,
Forgetting the vow I made with God only seeking to please myself.

I am an addict, it's as simple as that,
I quit!! I must have said that a thousand times,
Yet still I feel my fingers reaching down,
My womanhood throbs and five seconds later,
After the fleeting pleasure,
Guilt sticks its knife into my mind, twisting without remorse

God only knows that the help that will eradicate this self-fulfilling, destructive pleasurable decadence,
Can only be found in Him,
But where is He now?
Doesn't He hear me crying out to Him out of the depths of my own, self-induced orgasmic prison?
When will he come like a thief and steal me away from this bomb disguised as bliss?
It had better be soon, else I fear that I'll be beyond redemption, when finally he decides to show up.

Shanniel Shakespeare
Copyright 2011

Overcoming!!

I'm going thru a really rough period right now. I am struggling between satisfying my fleshly urges and living a life that God can be pleased with! I so want to do what I feel like but God has called me to deny self and follow him!! He asked Peter if he loved him more than anything in the whole wide world and Peter responded in the affirmative but it took Peter three times to really understand what God was asking of him. God wanted more than a surface type of love and in the same way, that is what he demands of me today; I'm just too scared to venture into that life of selflessness that He wants of me. I am scared; I feel that I have made Him too many promises and that one day, God is going to get angry and nothing I say to HIM will matter anymore. This sucks, but I've told Him that I will not desist in chasing Him, so He is stuck with me :).