Self-doubt

     (This was written in my journal sometime in April)
     I realized today that to have friends, I have to go out of my way to be friendly. So I have resolved to talk more, to be nicer, to reach out to people and to just allow God to speak to them throguh me. My some friends of mine are all struggling to pay their school fees abd I feel so angry and hurt knowingt hat I am unable to help them. What amazes me though is how stromng they are, they laugh and joke (even though they are hurting inside). I wish I had the money to give them.
   When I woke this morning, I never even prayed or read my bible, not even a devotional. That's the danger of having too many persons around (CONSTANT DISTRACTION). I still have to resolve to spend time getting to know God or my living just makes no sense. I really want to love, care fro and help those around me but I sometimes feel so inadequate. I pray and ask God to use me but I don't see myself being used by anyone. My knowledge base just seems so empty. I don't have a wide vocabulary, my ability to explain concepts is almost non existent. Suffice t say, I have an exam to study fro and despite all my self-doubt, i feel I'll do pretty well.